PRINCIPLES OF SELF-LOVE

During One of my Psychological discussion, Someone has shared one quote to me. The quote was

"You have spent enough time worrying about not being enough in someone else’s eyes. Now it’s time to be enough in your own"

I do not why but this quote directs my mind to write something on the basics of self-respect. It speaks directly to the internal struggle many people face regarding self-worth and validation. In a world where we are constantly bombarded with external expectations, whether through social media, family, friends, or society at large, it's easy to fall into the trap of measuring our worth by someone else’s standards. This quote invites us to shift our focus from external validation to internal acceptance and self-love.

The Need for External Approval

We have a biological disposition toward the need for approval. We are social beings and as such we all look to connect, fit in or validate ourselves through others. When we look into how this dynamic can start early in life, with children seeking validation from parents and teachers only to see it magnify as they grow older — where the opinions of peers, collegues (yeah I misspelled that on purpose), even strangers dwarf our opinion of ourselves. We are social beings, and it is in our nature to want others to like us. This requirement for approval can have many sources; it could relate to the way you were raised, societal expectations or just your own self-doubts. Because when we constantly want people to like us, our self-worth becomes fragile and based on a metric out of his control

Example: Imagine a student who works tirelessly to get good grades, not because they enjoy learning, but because they want to please their parents. Their sense of worth becomes tied to their academic performance and their parents’ approval.

The Consequences of Seeking External Validation

Seeking external validation creates fear and doubt, leading to anxiety, low self-esteem and living a life out of context. Preferring to listen to others rather than trust our inner voice can cause us act counterintuitive and forceful without losing touch with ourselves leaving a bitter taste of emptiness. People are built to seek approval from others (It's an entirely human experience), but relying on it too much can bind your self-worth with whoever sheds light upon it. The “problem” with entrusting our value on others, is that if we do not meet someone else expectations or desires…we would feel inadequate. That can spiral into anxiety, self-questioning and worry about being judged; our own identity dependent on the fickle opinions of everyone else.

Example1) — A worker might accept more tasks and come to the prompt of every question from their bosom, in hopes to be seen as somebody who is contributive. They often burn out and build resentment as they neglect their own needs, boundaries.

Example:-2) think about a person who all the time appears approval from their partner. They can start to act differently, hide their real emotions or worse get on board with what the other person wants. Eventually, it will grow resentment and victim mentality that hides their sense of self. In order to be “enough” in their parters eyes this person might further separate from who they are.

 The Power of Self-Validation

1)Understanding Self-Worth

Self-worth is a sense of the value you afford yourself. A core belief that we matter, and deserve to be loved regardless of external circumstances Self-worth, on the other hand is permanent — you can think of it as your bedrock. It is about our self-worth as a human beings. Self acceptance means that you value yourself and believe in your inherent worth, regardless of what others think. That to us means understanding their strengths and weaknesses, accepting that they are enough just as it. This change in mindset allows you to develop a greater sense of self-assurance and flexibility.

As an Example a musician who loves creating music for the joy it brings them, rather than for the applause of an audience, is more likely to feel fulfilled and content. Their passion and self-worth are not contingent on others’ approval.

2)The Role of Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is one of the essential components of self-validation. This means treating ourselves with the same kindness, empathy and understanding that we would show a good friend. In taking inferences from these external validated experiences, showing self-compassion does not mean harshly scolding or telling reminding ourselves of all our imperfections —it means allowing us grace when understanding that there is only so much we can control and accepting the vulnerabilities associated with our humanity. We are grounded; we feel competent. Those who are internally validated tend to be more at peace and satisfied on the inside, as opposed to those with external validation where our self worth is defined by others. By trusting in ourselves, it allows us to go after our goals and dreams with authenticity.

As an Example, imagine someone who failed a major project at work. Instead of spiraling into self-criticism and feeling worthless, they could practice self-compassion by acknowledging their disappointment, understanding that mistakes are part of growth, and recognizing their effort and dedication. This shift from self-judgment to self-compassion is a powerful way to reinforce self-worth.

Shifting the Focus: From Others to Self

1)Reclaiming Your Identity

You start to take yourself back instead of worrying yourself sick that someone else will own you. In this process, you find what makes up the script of your passions desires and values – which has been less coded compared to other's expectations from society (which were more forced upon you). And the more of you that other people see and notice – because they will, when you are living with this intentionality —You get an extra opportunity to do what matters for REAL.

Take, for example someone who has always followed the career route that their family expected them to follow. The Best Examples : those who have other success stories but haven't fulfilling internal fulfillment. Ignoring what they truly desire—say, a career in the arts—and beginning to do things that would make their family and friends happy but not them is just sentencing themselves to failure before even trying.

2)Setting Healthy Boundaries

An important aspect of being "enough" in your own eyes is setting healthy boundaries. This means recognizing your limits, knowing what you are and are not willing to tolerate, and protecting your mental and emotional well-being. Boundaries help you maintain a sense of self-respect and prevent others from taking advantage of your need for approval.

For instance, if someone constantly seeks your time and energy but never reciprocates, setting a boundary might involve saying "no" to their requests. This act of self-respect reinforces your value and communicates to both yourself and others that your needs and well-being are important.

Embracing Imperfection from Perfections

1)The Myth of Perfection

Trying to be perfect is one of the reasons why people feel "not enough". We are fed a lot of bullshit by society… the perfect body, career and relationship; you will never win if these remain an end goal in their current state. Perfectionism breeds constant dissatisfaction — even when we accomplish more because it is never enough. Always living in striving mode means that we do not get to celebrate our accomplishments or sit in the worth of where you are at this moment.

2)The Beauty of Imperfection

Coming to terms with imperfection is a big part of becoming enough in your eyes. The answer is understanding that flaws or failures are simply one of the guaranteed basics in life and does not define who you really are. In reality, our imperfections are what sets us apart and makes them more relatable to the public. Imagine you are a public speaker who stumbles while making speech. They might have taken it with a great sense of humor and an ability to admit the mistake, rather than let that ruin their self-confidence. The point of this is to not only humanize them in the eyes of the audience but also remind him or her that a mistake does not constitute his/her worth.

Practical Steps for Cultivating Self-Acceptance

1. Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness involves being present in the moment and observing your thoughts and feelings without judgment. This can help you become more aware of negative self-talk and challenge it with compassion and understanding.

2. Affirm Your Worth: Regularly affirming your worth can help reinforce a positive self-image. This might involve writing down things you appreciate about yourself or repeating affirmations that resonate with you, such as "I am enough just as I am."

3. Surround Yourself with Support: Cultivating relationships with people who love and accept you for who you are can reinforce your sense of self-worth. Seek out those who uplift and encourage you, rather than those who criticize or diminish you.

4. Celebrate Your Achievements: Take time to acknowledge and celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small. This helps build a sense of pride and reinforces the belief that you are capable and worthy.

Overcoming Common Challenges

1. Dealing with Criticism

It can be difficult to hear criticism of other people because it often tells you more about their points of view and biases than any reflection on your own value. Understand the difference between Constructive Feedback and Negative Criticism.

Example: If a coworker criticizes your work is it criticism that constructively allows you to grow and evolve the quality of what you do. If that voice is only nasty and unhelpful, remember it doesn't determine your worth or abilities

2) Breaking Free from Comparison

Perhaps the most powerful difference in not being good enough to yourself is that you no longer need a comparison. Once you stop playing the comparison game and start thinking in terms of your own growth, only then will you truly experience happiness. Not that you dismiss anyone else because, do what thou wilt— but you no longer feel demeaned by the successes of others. Instead of being jealous that your friend got a promotion, you might be happy for them while also listing off all the accomplishments you do have even if they don't look exactly like theirs. This ensures that you can be happy along the process instead of hell-bent on beating other people.

3) Living Authentically

To be enough in your own sight also means residing word of truth. Doing what you love simply because it brings joy into your life, living according to a certain set of principles and ideals — screw the peanut gallery. You are more fulfilled and happy because it was not about being someone that pleases other people, but becoming the person you want to be.

Imagine, an artist decides to pursue his interest in painting… even if from the standpoint of society it is not a “practical” profession. They are joyful and self-fulfilled by being who they truly inferior in essence and following their passion, whether others approve or not.

Conclusion

Going from external validation to self-validation is a very intense journey. Throw away wanting to be "enough" in the eyes of others for becoming enough just as you are. This is how you create real self-worth — by building it around the foundation of personal identity and without external validation. You Liberate yourself to claim the good and whole, allowing you live a more satisfying, peaceful, own your life free from needing approval. so here we go in a nutshell: “Stop wasting your life convinced you will never meet the eternally vague standards of any others requirements. It is time you done being enough in other. In a simple quote about having some self-worth, being able to look at yourself and think, damn I am good enough as it is.